Do you ever look back on a decision you’ve made and wonder how much different your life could be had you made a different one? I do. Everyday I go back to that one moment that changed everything for not only myself, but also others around me.
The night that it happened, I was driving around trying to clear my head after having a fight with my boyfriend, Kyle. We had been arguing quite often lately and it was taking its toll on the both of us. We loved one another, we did, but it was just getting to the point that maybe love wasn’t enough for us anymore. We both wanted different things in life. Kyle wanted to go to New York City, while I wanted to move to Los Angeles. The fact that we both wanted to live on different coasts was only part of our problems.
As I was driving, I had my favorite song blaring from the speakers in my car and I was singing along to the lyrics, not well, I might add. It had started to rain again making it even harder to see, along with the dark, night sky and the lack of cars on the road. I heard my phone get a notification, so I grabbed it from its place in the cup holder. It was a text from Kyle. I was stopped at a red light, so I decided to read it. I quickly typed my response in before the light could change again.
Once the light was green, I hit the gas pedal and drove off. Ding. Another text. I looked down at my phone again to read the text message. Before I typed my response, I looked up, no cars were ahead of me, and so I took my hands off the wheel to type. The next thing I knew, my car was swerving off the road.
My car was already in mid air before I could even do anything to try and stop it. My head was painfully going back and forth from hitting the steering wheel and the back of the driver’s seat. All I could see and feel was the flipping of the car. My world and life spun around before finally it all stopped after smashing into a tree with a huge, deafening bang.
I felt my soul leaving my body right at that moment. I could see myself lying against the steering wheel, bloody and bruised. The airbag never released.
I had died on impact.
Which led me here. To this place where I can look down and see just how that one decision, not only took away my life, but also changed everyone that I knew.
My parents, Jim and Anne, were devastated. Mom cries all the time. She stays in bed all day. Hardly eats a thing. Dad tries to be strong for Mom, but I can see that it’s slowly starting to take its toll on him. He can only be so strong for the both of them for so long. He’s going to breakdown any minute and he won’t have anyone to comfort him. He’ll be alone- all because of me.
My friends were trying to go on with their lives. Going to college. Hanging out together. Doing all the things that we all did as a group, but they didn’t feel right about living their lives, when I had lost mine. This was supposed to be the best time of their lives, but I ruined it for them.
Kyle took my death the hardest. He blamed himself. He knew that I was driving, but he texted me anyway. He tried to make things right between us and doing so lost me my life. He thinks that if he never would have texted me that night, or at least waited until I was home, I would still be here, alive and well. However, it’s not his fault. It’s all mine and I wish I could tell him that to help ease his guilt and pain.
You always hear about these things happening to others, but you never think that it could happen to you. Oh, it’s just one text. There’s no one in front of me. I’ll be fine. But I’m not fine. I’m dead. I’m gone from this life forever. All because of one decision, and I’m not the one who has to live with that. The people that I left and care the most about do.
Published on WordHaus.com